No one enjoys being called out for messing up. Mistakes happen, they are part of being human and part of learning. Yet how we handle those mistakes as leaders or colleagues makes all the difference.
Too often, we default to blame or harsh criticism: “How could you have done this?!” “What you’ve done here is wrong.” “I can’t believe you did that.”
Those kinds of phrases are not just unhelpful, they are destructive. They attack the person instead of addressing the issue. They create resentment, embarrassment, or worse, fear of trying again.
Reframing Mistakes
Instead of ridicule, we should reframe mistakes as opportunities for guidance and growth. For example:
- If someone spells many words wrong, it does not mean they are “dumb.” It may just mean spelling is not their strength. A quick reminder to use a dictionary app or spell-check is far more useful than mockery.
- If an order gets entered incorrectly, it is a chance to revisit the process and tighten attention to detail, not a moment to shame.
- If a new hire struggles with a task, it is expected. Errors while learning are normal, and coaching is how confidence and competence are built.
Common Blame Phrases (and Better Alternatives)
Here are five common phrases that shut people down and how to turn them into coaching moments instead:
“Do I need to do everything myself?” “I know this part can be tricky. Let’s walk through it together so you feel confident next time.”
“This isn’t what I asked for at all.” “I see you put a lot into this. Let’s line it up more closely with the original request so it meets the goal.”
“You keep making the same mistake.” “I’ve noticed this keeps popping up. Let’s pause and find a system that helps prevent it going forward.”
“I don’t know how you thought this was acceptable.” “Here’s what the standard looks like. Let’s compare your version with the target and see what needs adjusting.”
“We’ve gone over this already, are you even paying attention?” “I can see this isn’t sticking yet. Let’s slow it down and go over the steps again together.”
When leaders choose reframes like these, they protect dignity while still driving improvement.
Coaching as a Tool
Coaching is one of the most effective ways to handle mistakes. It does not happen by accident, it is developed through practice, role play, and real life experience. Coaching means:
- Correcting without condemning
- Reaffirming people with confidence instead of tearing them down
- Redirecting toward the goal rather than dwelling on the error
A district manager once shared an approach I admire. Instead of saying, “You wasted too much time on PowerPoint presentations,” they reframed it:
“I noticed the sales project includes a lot of time covering the new product in slides. Let’s try shifting some of that time to role-playing on the sales floor. Your idea to cover the sales process in more depth is excellent, this adjustment will help bring it to life.”
The key? The manager did not tell the store manager they were wrong. They nudged them in a new direction, built on their strengths, and guided them toward the bigger goal.
Why This Matters
When leaders handle mistakes with grace, employees feel safe to learn, try, and improve. They are not walking on hot coals, waiting to be burned. They are supported on their journey, even when they stumble.
People will always make mistakes. However, how you handle them will frame your relationship with this coworker and person moving forward. Do they take home a harsh comment and stew on it, or do they share their newly learned skill with friends and family when asked, “How’s the new job going?”
Correct the mistake, not the person.